


Dolls and Rocks

by marshmellow_sirel



Category: LazyTown
Genre: Depression, M/M, Self Harm, self harm mention
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-25
Updated: 2017-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-20 13:38:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13147839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marshmellow_sirel/pseuds/marshmellow_sirel
Summary: Robbie thinks back to his childhood, wonders why Sportacus's crystal doesn't work for him, and then does something unsavory.





	Dolls and Rocks

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gift for the tumblr Itholiday 2017 gift exchange.

Growing up Robbie Rotten was told, by his mother no less, that dolls were for girls. He disagreed, of course, that dolls were for those who liked dolls. They were perfect. He learned how to sew and he learned how to apply makeup but he could never learn how to smile like the dolls in his childhood bedroom. Whatever, he would say to himself, it isn’t important.

Another childhood fascination came from machinery. Robbie loved to take things apart to see how they worked and then put them back together again. Much to his father’s chagrin. One April afternoon the pocket watch, a gift from The Boss of the Company he would tell his son when he showed it to Robbie in February, disappeared. Robbie was blamed for this and sent to bed without dinner. Not that he even took the watch, the maid did, but it didn’t matter. He told the truth but his parents thought it was a lie.

It wasn’t important. Nothing really was.

Years later, after leaving his home and anywhere near anyone who ever knew his family, Robbie found a name for himself in a small village named Lazytown. He commanded respect but now that was threatened by the flipping blue buffoon. He leaned against the low stone wall watching Sportacus flip and flop and corkscrew around the playground. It amazed Robbie just how much energy was contained in that stupid blue vest. He ran his hands along the wall when he grazed a sharp edge of one of the stones. A few drops of blood beaded on his palm.

“Robbie!” Sportacus, faster than Robbie could comprehend, was on the other side of the wall. Those bright blue eyes filled with concern for Robbie. “Are you okay?”

Robbie shrugged. “Yeah…” His inflection tilted upwards to make the word sound like a question. He looked down at his head and shrugged again. “It’s just a scratch.”

Sportacus held a finger in the air and shouted, “First Aid kit!” A small blue box fell from the sky and landed in Sportacus’s awaiting hands. “It may seem like nothing, Robbie,” he said and unlatched the box. “But small cuts can become big infections.” He held Robbie’s hand gently as he sprayed it with antiseptic.

A small buzz of electricity buzzed through Robbie’s entire body from the touch.

“There,” said Sportacus fixing a blue bandage on Robbie’s hand. “Good as new.” He smiled and let go of Robbie’s hand to put everything back into his first aid kit.

Robbie looked down and flexed his hand and felt the bandage stretch like a second skin. “It wasn’t that important, Sportaloon.”

“Yes, it was, Robbie,” Sportacus said with a smile. One of the children shouted for him and he ran off, first aid kit in hand.

Stunned, Robbie just stared down at his hand and the blue bandage. “But it wasn’t important…” He wondered if he even heard the sound of the blue buffoon’s crystal. Maybe he needed to clean his ears.

Three days later Robbie worked on a machine, something to turn sugar into the water so Sportacus would…something or other. He hadn’t thought it through all the way, to be honest. The water in Sportacus’s airship would turn into sugar so he would have to leave, or the water in town would turn to sugar and he would have to leave, or, or, he would fall into a sugar coma and…something. Robbie didn’t really know he just knew that—

A roll of the ankle brought Robbie to the floor and his limbs splayed every which way. Unfortunately for his leg, one such limb, it happened to splay against the freshly welded seams of the metal case. Robbie screamed and held his leg.

A part of him waited. He waited for the clang of his silo hatch opening, waited for the thud of 140 pounds of flipping blue maniac hitting his floor, and for the said maniac to ask, “Are you okay?”

It never came.

He supposed it wasn’t that important. The sentiment gave Robbie a dull sense of relief.

Robbie hobbled to the bathroom to assess the damage. The welt etched a long line down his leg from his hip were the thin scars crisscrossed on his thigh to down to his knee. What’s another scar to the collection?

A thought nagged at him, Why didn’t he come? Robbie shook his head. It wasn’t important, he told himself, he wasn’t that important. It was that, wasn’t it?

Two days later Robbie managed to rouse himself to walk, or limp, through town. Sportacus jogged along the track with the little sticky boy following behind on his bicycle. While Robbie watched behind a tree he heard the crystal go off, Sportacus stiffen and say, “Someone is in trouble,” and run off.

Robbie watched Sportacus do a ridiculous stunt to catch the mean little prankster girl as she fell from the tree house. He was right in his recollection: that crystal is loud, but he didn’t hear it when he cut his hand on the wall that day. It was time for an experiment.

Behind the tree, where no one noticed him, but close enough to still see Sportacus; Robbie bent down and picked up a rock into the tree’s roots. A flat rock that was all edges and points. Robbie held it in his hand and squeezed.

Blood dripped through Robbie’s closed hand palm into the dirt. Robbie squeezed his eyes shut and waited. Nothing. He peered around the tree and saw Sportacus laugh with the sticky boy and the mean girl. The crystal was quiet so Sportacus didn’t notice. Robbie shook his head. The bloody rock fell to the ground and bounced back into the tree roots. “It doesn’t matter.”

The experiment was a success and Robbie proved his hypothesis. His chest felt hollow as he limped back towards the lair. His hand swung at his side and stray drops of blood followed him like breadcrumbs as he decided to cut through town to pass in front of Old Lady Holladottir’s antique shop.

A beautiful porcelain doll looked down at Robbie from her little chair on a shelf. The lace fringe on her dress was yellowed with age but Robbie thought that, maybe, if he brought her home then he could make her a new dress. A prettier dress. A purple dress.

“Hi, Robbie!”

The flipping blue maniac startled Robbie out of his contemplation with his sudden appearance and startling announcement. Robbie gestured dramatically. “Could you not do that? You’re going to give me a heart attack!”

“Sorry,” said Sportacus. “I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“Sneaking up on someone is the opposite of that, firstly, and I’m always okay, secondly.”

Sportacus tilted his head to the side like a confused puppy. “No one’s okay all the time, Robbie, I know I’m not. I saw you at the park but I didn’t get a chance to say hi. I thought I saw you drop something so I wanted to return it and, huh…” he held out his hand for Robbie to see the bloody rock in his palm. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

“It’s not impor…” Robbie, unable to finish the word, just shook his head and stared at the ground.

“You keep saying that but I don’t believe it for a moment.”

Robbie shrugged and looked back into the storefront at the porcelain doll in her little chair with the yellowed lace dress. Black hair that needed to be curled and styled framed her pale face with chipped pink lips. “Yes.”

“Are you sure?”

Robbie nodded, “I was thinking of buying that doll and taking her home. I could clean her up and give her a new dress. I think she would look very nice.”

Sportacus followed Robbie’s gaze and saw the doll. “I think she would look very nice,” he agreed. “But I don’t think Mrs. Holladottir would want you to come into her shop with a bloody hand.” He rocked back on his heels. “If you want I can buy the doll and carry it back to the lair for you.”

“Will you leave me alone after that?”

“Only if you want me to.”

Robbie nodded his consent and Sportacus smiled wide before he ran into the shop. Robbie flinched at the sound of the bell on the door as it rang with the force of Sportacus’s effort. He shrugged and walked away from the shop towards the lair.

He was almost the billboard when Sportacus caught up. “Robbie! I hoped you would wait so we could walk together.” He held a long rectangular box in his arms holding it up to show Robbie. “Mrs. Holladottir told me her name was Eliza, isn’t that neat?”

“Yeah,” said Robbie quietly. He pushed open the door of the billboard and walked towards the silo. His hand throbbed and he didn’t look forward to lifting the hatch down to the lair. “You can leave now. Goodbye.”

“If you hold Eliza’s box I can open the hatch for you,” said Sportacus and held out the box for Robbie. “I saw you hesitate and I know you can’t lift the hatch and hold the box at the same time.”

Robbie wanted to ask, _If I allow you to then will you leave?_ But what came out of his mouth instead was, “Why doesn’t your crystal go off for me?”

The box sagged in Sportacus’s arms. “What? What do you mean?”

“Your crystal never beeps for me. It’ll beep for children and that buffoon of the mayor or his secretary. It never goes off for me. Why?”

Sportacus’s eyes became wide as dishes, “I don’t know what…”

“I fell on my invention a few days ago and it burned me. I thought you would come but you didn’t. You never come for me. I squeezed that rock until I bled and you didn’t even notice. Why aren’t I—” What was he about to say? Did he want to ask why he wasn’t important? To Sportacus of all people?

Tears welled up in Sportacus’s eyes. “I’m sorry, Robbie.” He sniffed, “The crystal beeps when people need help. It doesn’t beep if the person doesn’t think they need help I wish I can fix it but I don’t know how.” His shoulders shook with barely contained sobs. “You needed me all this time and I wasn’t there. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t make this about yourself,” said Robbie and snatched the box from Sportacus. The rough edge scraped across his tender palm and he winced. “You’ve answered my question and brought me my doll. You can leave now.”

Sportacus sniffed. “I still want to help you. Let me open the hatch and then take a look at your hand, please. It’s the least I can do.”

The feeling in Robbie’s chest went from a numb ache to a pulsating pain. He didn’t like this and wanted it to end. He wanted to go back to feeling nothing again. “I..it’s not. The least you can do is…” He felt his hand pulse and thought about how it would be terrible if it got infected. “Okay.”

He watched as Sportacus lifted up the hatch to the silo and wait for Robbie to climb down first. “You’re over emotional,” said Robbie instead of thank you. “It’s unsightly.”

Sportacus chuckled, “I guess.” He rubbed the heel of his hand into his eye. “My pabbi would always tell me that a big part of being a superhero is being a friend to people who may need one. When you told me that you needed me and I never knew, it just hit a sensitive spot. That’s all.”

“I don’t want to be your friend,” said Robbie. It felt like a not-truth but he didn’t know if it was a lie.

“I know.” Sportacus pulled the bloody rock from a pocket in his vest. “I don’t want you to hurt yourself, Robbie. I want to be there for you.”

“I don’t want to see you cry again.” He stared down at his feet and felt the weight of the box in his arms. “It’s gross.” He couldn’t stand the weight or the silence so he handed the box off to Sportacus to climb down the silo. He stood clear and watch Sportacus drop down the silo with a heavy thud.

Sportacus handed the box back to Robbie and chuckled. “It might be, yeah, I’m sorry.”

The box felt like a boulder in his arms. “Oh.” He stared at Sportacus who still had the bloody rock in his hand. “You going to keep that rock? It’s grosser than the crying.”

“I don’t know. It feels important.”

“It’s not.”

Sportacus shrugged. “Maybe. I think that’s for each person to really decide what is and isn’t important. You think you’re not that important, Robbie, but I happen to think the opposite. I think you’re very important.” He pulled a small round plastic version of the emblem he wore on his chest from his belt. “I’m sorry the crystal doesn’t work for you but if you ever need me just press this button.” He pressed the button in the center of the small emblem and his crystal flashed. “I want to be there for you, Robbie, so allow me to be.”

The box felt like a boulder in Robbie’s arms and that weird buzz in his chest returned. “Oh,” he said quietly. He placed them on a small table by his armchair. So many thoughts rushed through his mind at once. Why? No. It’s not important, really, please go away and leave me alone. However, what he said instead was, “Can you bandage my hand?”

“Can I leave this here?” Sportacus asked and held the pager up so Robbie could see it.

Robbie nodded and sat down heavily in the chair.

A huge smile spread across Sportacus’s face. “That’s wonderful, Robbie! Relax, I’ll be back in a minute, I just need to get the first aid kit.” He climbed out of the silo.

Robbie heard the sound of Sportacus land on the top of his lair with a heavy thud. He never felt more tired as he sank into the armchair. It was a good kind of tired, he decided, as he looked at the little pager on top of Eliza’s box. Eliza was a good name. He decided that purple may not be her color that she might look good in a light blue instead. That would be nice.


End file.
